guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
