I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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