Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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