i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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