We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize