but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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