I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
