I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
