just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
