U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
