i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
