I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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