Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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