Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

Fav 12 1549 6001
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(208): View more from Idaho

His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

Fav 14 5271 1946
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me

Fav 13 1672 4223
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(207): View more from Maine

I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

Fav 10 4264 2015
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(423): View more from Tennessee

This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.

Fav 8 2791 1159
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(620): View more from Kansas

The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.

Fav 3 4188 1018
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

Fav 2 2935 1286
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(817): View more from Texas

Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.

Fav 1 584 452
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(682): View more from Texas

His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?

(936): View more from Texas

Nope

Fav 0 75 25
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