Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize