i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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