I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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