Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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