she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
