This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
