are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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