When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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