'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
