Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
