Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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