So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize