she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
