so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
