bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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