Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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