Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found puke in my bra..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize