Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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