I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
