No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
