I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
