I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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