Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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