Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My cat gives me a boner
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
