I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
