Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
