Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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