it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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