Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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