did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
