I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
