I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
