i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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