I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
