Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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