the day after is always just damage control
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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