Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
