it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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