literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
