We're facebook friends in real life
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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