did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
