i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
