my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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