Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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