There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
