I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
