In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
