People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
