I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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