those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
