So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
