Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize