Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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