Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
