the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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