I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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