smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
