I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
