ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
