You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
